In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Ever Merciful…
The respected scholar of al-Madeenah, Aboo ‘Abdil-‘Azeez ‘Ubayd ibn ‘Abdillaah ibn Sulaymaan al-Jaabiree al-Hamdaanee (may Allah preserve him) was asked the following question:
One of my relatives divorced his wife and left his three children with her, and then refused to spend on the children, assuming himself to be free of them. He has continued in this way [of dealing with the matter], and he is still doing this now. What would you advise him with? May Allah reward you.
The shaykh replied (may Allah bless and preserve him):
Firstly, I admonish him to fear Allah. He must spend on his children, and He (Allah) has not given him this [right] (i.e. to neglect spending on his children).
So convey to him my salaam, and that he is to repent to Allah, the Mighty and Majestic, and spend on his children, as nafaqah (financial maintenance) is a duty on him. If he complies, then all is well. Otherwise, the woman has a right to present her case to a court ruling by Shar’ (Islamic Law) of his land. The judge ruling by Islamic Law would then decide that the children must be financially maintained.
And if she is still in ‘eddah (post-divorce waiting), while the divorce is revocable (i.e. the first or second divorce), then he (the judge) would also determine that she must be financially maintained as well.
May Allah aid our brothers and sisters going through separations, and may He make us and them fearful of Him, patient in upholding our duties, sincerely to Him, seeking His reward and pleasure.
Translated by: Moosaa Richardson (1442.07.28)
Source of shaykh’s answer: Class #11 of his explanation of al-Waasitiyyah, at about 46 minutes into the recording. [Click here for the audio – Arabic only]
Does the same ruling apply if the wife cheated and the children are not his biologically?
Strange question! If she cheated and the “children” are not his? Meaning: She had cheated multiple times? The issue is very serious, and the only time the children of a marriage would not be considered the husband’s children is when he curses himself conditionally in a Li’aan (or Mulaa’anah) case in Islamic Law. Review Class #8 of this series: https://soundcloud.com/troidorg/sets/fiqh-course-marriage-and Generally, people would never initiate such a claim! Invoking curses upon oneself is disastrous! If you win the case, and you are truthful, you only “win” a lack of a relationship with the child. If you lose, meaning she is innocent of what you have claimed, then you have the Curse of Allah upon you, from your own supplication! May Allah grant us safety and refuge!
There are cases like this where the wife is cheating over a long period of time and ends up with multiple illegitimate children. The question relates to such a case.
Our Prophet (may Allah raise his rank and grant him peace) informed us that the child belongs to the bed (i.e. the marriage) [Bukhari & Muslim], so such children are rightfully the children of the husband. As mentioned, so long as a Li’aan/Mulaa’anah case is not completed.
If the children were conceived outside of marriage, who provides for them?
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have Mercy on him) said that the mother spends on them if she can, otherwise she requests assistance from the authorities responsible for the welfare of children. Source: https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/20094/%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B9%D9%82%D9%8A%D9%82%D8%A9-%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%86%D9%81%D9%82%D8%A9-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%89-%D9%88%D9%84%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%A7
The biological father has no relationship or responsibility over the children?
The biological father has no relationship or responsibility over children of fornication that he feels* (pay attention!) may be his, except that out of safety, he would never later marry the girl(s). But he is not considered mahram based on that precaution taken. If someone were to say, “But if it is known that the child is his…?” The answer: Well, neither of them observed the limits of Allah in their interactions with each other, so how does he know that she did not sleep with other men as well? She is not trustworthy. She has proven that she will sleep with men she is not married to. So why assume it only happened once? Why assume she disregarded her Creator’s rules, but was purely and sincerely committed to you!? Then, how do you know the child is yours (even biologically) then?! (The world of fornicators and criminals is a nasty place where no one can be trusted!)
So DNA testing which is known to be highly accurate is disregarded?
Even if a man were to be identified as the biological father through whatever scientific process that the people say is 99.99% accurate, do you think that should overtake the ruling of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah raise his rank and grant him peace), who said that the child is ascribed to the bed (i.e. the husband in the marriage), and the fornicator gets a rock (i.e. nothing, no ascription to the child).? Could we be focusing on scientific DNA and biology here and overlooking a clear religious ruling? Will we say, coming behind this Islamic ruling from revelation, “Rather, because of our advanced technology, we now say: The child is ascribed to the fornicator, and the bed (i.e. the husband) gets a rock?!” The matter is more serious and complex than simply identifying the biological father. Just because we are able to discuss some of the points of wisdom from the ruling, like shunning uncertainty of lineage, we cannot conclude that the ruling is for that purpose alone 100%. That is just one of the reasons. Additionally, there are serious, far-reaching ramifications of corruption in society that come along with fornication and adultery, and a DNA test does absolutely nothing to correct any of that! So have insight and confidence in the Islamic rulings, and may Allah bless you!
Think about how the presence of a child, ascribed only to his mother, indicates that the mother had him out of wedlock. Yes, poor thoughts are deservingly directed at the mother (not the child).* Yet, Allah is as-Sateer, the One who screens and loves His worshippers to be modest and shy. Saying that So-and-So is the father adds a second criminal to the equation, one who did not need to be publicly identified. Additionally, think about the rebuke and punishment a man feels when he has a biological son who does not take his name or have any legitimate association with him. Should we make him equal in rights to a man who approached the mother of his child with marriage and piety?
And if someone were to say: What about the expenses of raising a child? Why can’t he spend on the child if he knows it is his child, biologically? Nothing stops a man from spending on the child. In fact, spending on a child being raised by a single mother, resembles taking care of an orphan; it is kindness and generosity, and thus encouraged in Islam. The issue is about ascription though, and a ruling has come from our Messenger (may Allah raise his rank and grant him peace). And Allah knows best.
*Meaning: Until she repents. If she repents and becomes upright, the people will change their poor thoughts of her, by right.
What does support comprise of here?
Is it enough to provide the basics of food and clothing?
All needs of the child are included! This includes from the beginnings of diapers and payment to whomever breastfeeds the baby, whether it is the mother or another lady, she gets paid for breastfeeding by the child’s father! (See: 65:6) It includes books and school supplies, and all educational needs known in their custom (in some places a laptop, in other places uniforms and school fees, etc.). It includes clothing, food, and shelter, according to the standards of the people involved. Shelter for example means: Paying rent for the child’s room and part of the house, his/her fair portion of all the bills connected to that home. These expenses go on until the child reaches an age when he/she can provide for themselves. When the father does not provide these things and someone else steps in to do so, they keep records of the expenses and record that as a debt to be paid back by the father. May Allah bless and enable honestly incapable fathers to take care of their children, and may Allah guide and correct the deadbeat dads out there who oppress themselves and their dependents with their sinful transgression.
To the deadbeat dads who drink Starbucks coffee (or any pricey non-essentials) and spend on themselves generously, yet claim they are incapable of providing for their children under the care of their ex-wives: Are you not afraid of the supplications of the angels each and every day supplicating against you and your wealth?! In the two Saheeh compilations of al-Bukhaaree and Muslim:
ما من يوم يصبح العباد فيه إلا ملكان ينزلان، فيقول أحدهما: اللهم، أعط منفقا خلفا، ويقول الآخر: اللهم، أعط ممسكا تلفا
“There is not a single day the worshippers reach the morning time, except there are two angels that come down. One of them says: “O Allah! Give one who spends a replacement!” And the other says, “O Allah! Give the one who withholds destruction.”
The scholars have explained the meaning of withholding in this hadeeth, as: When a capable person does not fulfill financial obligations.
Think about it and take the reminder! Do you honestly think there will be any goodness or blessings in this brief dunyaa for you when Allah’s angels pray against you each and every day?!
As sallamu alaikum
May Allah reward you with good Ameen.
I ask Allah to forgive me if I’m not asking my question in the right section Ameen. I’m in need of some clarity inshallah on the statement of “fair portion” in the dead beat dad’s article. I have been separated from my wife for over two years now Allahu musta’aan. In the beginning she asked me to give her six months until she moved out of the property in which I own alhumdulilah. I never put any pressure on her alhumdulilah but she sent me your article alhumdulilah and I was always unsure about a “fair portion” how do we derive the amount of the portion? To her understanding I would be paying almost half of the payment if she moves to another property meaning first last and security deposit and half of the rent and utilities going forward. An that’s based on if that’s just her and the child inshaallah. My intentions after the first six months was to marry her back but my income have been very unstable and it’s to the point now where I think I should sell the house. I have informed her of my intentions which brings us back to what was written in the article because she believes I have to assist her in moving. May Allah guide us Ameen
Wa ‘alaykum as-Salaamu wa rahmatullaah. So it would be better if you could both refer to an arbitrator that you both trust, one knowledgeable and unbiased, who could hear about the needs of your child, like housing, food, clothing, and other basic necessities, and reach a fair amount that you could send every month to cover that. This is about parents cooperating to take care of a child’s needs, and maintaining their responsibilities and keeping family ties in the best way, and all of this needs to be done with diligence and maturity, seeking the pleasure of Allah. May Allah give you all success.
What about the case where the children are all grown adults now but their father never spent on them (except the odd occasions here and there) throughout their lives and they were raised by their mother? Is there an expiation for this father? It’s worth noting that it is highly unlikely that he will pay (nor has the means to pay) the total spending the mother spent on the kids all those years.
He seeks Allah’s aid in paying his debts, and he can ask whoever spent on his children in his place to forgive his debt, or part of it, or allow him more time. He must be a real genuine Muslim man and appreciate those who took care of his responsibilities in his place (they deserve his appreciation!), thank them (in that is thanking Allah!), and communicate with them about how or when he can pay back his debt. Sadly, some men often are bitter and resentful towards kind and generous step-fathers who spent on their children. This is due to a person’s sins, that he views virtues and kindness as something negative.
We should not think that since I have a large debt, then I will likely never pay it all back, so I won’t even begin! No! Rather, when a person seeks to fulfill his obligations, he begins with whatever Allah has facilitated for him, and this is what he is responsible for. Allah will aid him with the rest, but he has to begin with taqwaa/piety, which includes recognizing people’s rights on him, and then he puts forth genuine effort to fulfill that to the best of his ability, and he asks Allah for success.
لينفق ذو سعة من سعته ومن قدر عليه رزقه فلينفق مما آتاه الله لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا ما آتاها سيجعل الله بعد عسر يسرا
“Let a person of affluence spend of his wealth; let a person with limited means spend from whatever Allah has given him. Allah does not burden any soul except with what He has given it. Allah will make ease to come after hardship.” [65:7]
So whoever observes what Allah commands him to do, He PROMISES to grant ease after hardship. Believe in the promise of Allah, spend from whatever you can, and ask Him for what He promised you, He will give it to you!
ومن يتق الله يجعل له مخرجا (2) ويرزقه من حيث لا يحتسب ومن يتوكل على الله فهو حسبه
“And whoever has taqwaa of Allah, He makes a way out for him and provides for him from where he does not even expect! And whoever places their trust in Allah, He suffices him.” [65:2-3]
And Allah knows best.
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
I hope you are well, Ustadh Moosa!
Based on what you have mentioned in the comments, is one to understand that the father who refuses to pay anything towards his child becomes burdened with a debt? Potentially like the debt of the one who is refused access to Jannah because of it.
BarakAllahu feekum.
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
Yes, it is a real debt, like any other debt. All rulings and manners about debts apply to one who has incurred debt by not spending on his children. Debt can be forgiven, delayed, transferred, and it can be a reason for complaining against an individual, and it can even be a reason some people would avoid praying over his Janaazah, and it could be a serious problem for him in the Hereafter. And Allah is not unfair, so a man who genuinely intended to pay back his debt but was unable, then Allah does not burden a soul beyond its scope. Yet, on the Day of Fasl (Separation), false claimants to incapability are sorted out from the genuinely incapable, and Allah knows best.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakatuh Ustadh.
Are daughters meant to be provided for even when they are grown up and before they enter marriage?
Wa ‘alaykum as-Salaamu wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatuh.
The majority of the scholars hold that a father’s basic obligation to spend on his children ends at adolescence for the sons, and until marriage for the daughters. That is the basic obligation. There could be an extended obligation to spend on one’s needy family members, if those children were poor, and needed financial help, and the father were capable. And Allah knows best.
What if the wife takes the child support money and spends it on herself?
If this is true, not a misunderstanding, and it is verified, not just a claim, then it needs to be corrected. Hopefully, advice would be sufficient. Otherwise, it might need to be reported to the (Muslim) authorities. Child support is a trust to be used for the benefit of its rightful recipient(s).
Does a child have to respect a father who never supported him?
Does the father still have rights over the child in such a case?
A child will naturally resent a father who did not support him. Yet, the child must be reminded about his Islamic obligation to honor and be kind and dutiful to his father. Specific rights, like the right to being the walee for marriage, might be disputed in a case with the Muslim authorities. However, other rights, like inheritance, keeping ties, and good interactions, remain intact.
السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته
Dear Ustadh Abul-Abbas. What if the father of a young child is an innovator, and if the mother (who is upon Salafiyyah) remarries, does the ex-husband (who is an innovator) have right to take the child?
جزاك الله خيراً
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
Issues of custody are reviewed by the authorities (Islamic judges and court systems, or whatever is the closest thing people have to that in non-Muslim lands). Like all judgments in issues of differing between two parties, we don’t get to judge in our own cases. Having said that, a Muslim judge would definitely consider the cases of the parents and their correct or incorrect application of Islam, and how serious any violations are, and how relevant that is to the safety and welfare of the children and how that relates to a judgment of custody.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
May Allah aza wa Jal bless and preserve you Aameen
I have two questions May Allah bless you
1) A marriage was nullified by way of a Khulah for legislated reasons and NOT by way of Talaaq. The father claims that he is no longer responsible financially for his children. Does taking a khulah mean the financial rights of the children, Tarbiyah, visitation, support and other than that are dissolved or are the children’s rights a separate affair and remain intact?
2) If the woman claims government Benefit in her country to help support those children as the father does not provide for them,
Does this now relinquish the father’s responsibility of provision for his children?
Jazaakumullah khairan
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
1) However the marriage contract ended, divorce or khul’, the children remain the financial responsibility of their father. Divorce and khul’ are an end to the relationship between the husband and wife, not something which cuts off ties of kinship, separating children from their parents.
2) This is a disgrace that a man would not provide for his own children and leave them to be taken care of by non-Muslims. And such a disgrace is something to repent from and rectify ASAP, not something which legitimately replaces his obligation to provide.
May Allah bless our brothers to be real Muslim men who embrace their responsibilities and live up to them, and may He aid them in that and grant them success.
Assalaamu’alaikum
Allaah preserve you upon khayr
If the father of the children does provide for his children but he specifies that he is paying for X y and z and not for example for Islamic school tuition fees, can she still use the money he gives for that or for things like part of the rent if he didn’t specify it is for that?
Wa ‘alaykum as-Salaamu wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatuh.
The father is required to pay for the education, clothing, food, rent, bills, etc, and all costs of raising children. The mother must do the best she can with the money she receives, and try her best to honor his requests with how it is spent. A divorced father needs to understand that he is not part of a functioning husband and wife team; that was the marriage, which is over. He should be careful not to stress himself out “micro-managing” how the money is spent. When he re-marries, he should do his best to make the marriage work, as nothing can replace a loving couple working together to raise children. This is just advice which is hoped to have some benefit in it, and Allah knows best.
Assalamualaikum. Please I have a question. A woman left her husband because he doesn’t pray and have many corruption in his Aqidah like showing disbelief in some matters of ghaib and he allegedly do Sihr and is negligent in taking care of her and there kid. But the problem is she left him without seeking Khul’i through the shariah court as it is done in our country Nigeria and she didn’t give him back the mahr (dowry) he gave her when they married. She just left and went into iddah and after her iddah period, she married another person. So please is her first marriage truely dissolved or is this a case of marriage upon marriage.
Wa ‘alaykum as-Salaamu wa rahmatullaah. Any marriage which ended with one or both parties “leaving” (without divorce or khul’, or an authority who ended the marriage through due process), remains a valid standing marriage. Based on that, any marriage to a married woman is totally invalid and ineffective. If the woman did not inform the man of her standing as a married woman, she must repent and inform him immediately, and they must separate immediately, as their marriage is invalid. If they both knew, then they both must repent and separate immediately. They need to seek assistance from their local Muslim authorities and people of knowledge in how to specifically rectify things and move on. May Allah guide them and give them success.
Also, thinking the marriage ended because he became an apostate would need investigation, and this is not left to spouses to make takfeer of their spouse and just end the marriage contract like that. And Allah knows best.
May Allah, Al-Haqq aid you in continuing to clarify the truth from falsehood and may HE bless you for it, ameen.
Q: In the case of a divorced couple, can a Mulaa’anah situation be brought forth when the ex-husband denies paternity of the children years after the divorce has occured? The denial of paternity simultaneously accuses the woman of fornication and adultery, and the ex husband has spread this denial among the Muslims.
If a man believes 100%, with absolute certainty, that his wife conceived a child from another man during their marriage, it is permissible (not encouraged) for him to initiate a mulaa’anah case. Of course, this is in the Muslim lands where there are Islamic courts. I do not know of any Islamic center in the West where a mulaa’anah case would be done. As for how long he has to do that after the alleged incident, then I do not know about any limitations on that. The judge would make that decision, and it is a very rare and exceptional thing, so it is dealt with on a case-by-case basis. It is also a very serious matter, involving spouses invoking curses upon each other and themselves, so it is not something any advisor or judge would encourage. This kind of discussion shows the need we have to live in Muslim lands under Islamic rule, with Islamic courts and sufficient public services offered by and through the authorities.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Is the parent where the child stays/lives obligated to inform the other parent about the child? If so, to what extent? And is there a difference between the father and mother regarding this issue?
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
“To inform the other parent about the child…” This is unclear. It may be that there is a misunderstanding here, something from Western influence, that the parent with “full custody” may choose to cut the child off from the other parent. This is not permissible in Islam, as keeping family ties, especially with one’s parents is a seriously high-ranking obligation, so Muslim parents must fear Allah and raise their children to respect and be dutiful to both their parents, even that ex-spouse that one could not live with. This requires us to facilitate and maintain regular contact, visitation whenever possible, and ongoing direct communication. This requires sincerity to Allah and distancing oneself from one’s personal desires, like a thirst for revenge against an ex-spouse and the petty and oppressive un-Islamic behavior of weaponizing children as tools of revenge against an ex-spouse, and the likes. After a divorce, rectify your personal affairs, make peace with your ex-spouse, and seek good for him/her, asking Allah to give them someone better than you. This noble character will bring about healthy closure and help you teach your children to honor and respect their other parent, as Allah commands, and there is great reward in raising children to be obedient to Allah! May Allah rectify the affairs. My apologies if I mis-interpreted the situation, and please clarify if I have. Was-Salaam.
السلام عليكم
What would you recommend if the other parent of the child is practicing NOI and not Sunni Islam? They also drink and smoke and do many other things and don’t have any intention of changing. Would that be something that the child should still be around ? This other parent also has never helped financially in almost eleven years.
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
Such a parent should seek full custody of their child, to protect the child from the harms of the other parent. May Allah protect the Muslim youth and keep them from evil influences.
Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu
May Allah subhanahu wa ta Ala keep you well
My question is : A husband who divorced his wife years ago and they decide to reconcile after those years but because of the divorce, the husband talks to his wife as he wishes no regards to her feelings being hurt, could make mean comments to her, brings up past issues on why they divorced and keeps reminding her it’s her fault, and if she doesn’t change he is not afraid to “divorce her again” . What should one do in this regard especially when the husband is upon the Quran and sunnah, and every time you discuss matters of how you want to be treated it is not listened to or even respected.
Jazakallahu khayran
Wa ‘alaykum as-Salaamu wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatuh.
Allah commands us to live with the women in ma’roof (kindness and good treatment) or to separate from them with kindness and good treatment. See: Soorah at-Talaaq, verse 2. This couple should seek counseling and try to resolve things. May Allah bless you.
Is it excusable for a man of limited means to make Hijrah to a Muslim land but financially neglect his children in the process? A man moves to an Islamic country after divorce to safeguard themselves but fails to set provisions for his children in place beforehand, although he planned, saved money, and secured accommodations for himself before moving overseas. There are no attempts to provide financial support to children whilst abroad and the ex wife is told to be patient because he is “seeking knowledge” and she should not be upset.
As a principle, we establish good things without causing harm. Not providing for one’s children is a serious harm that has ugly consequences. He must find a way to accomplish the good he wishes to achieve without failing to uphold his most immediate personal obligations to his own children. Those children are his flock, and not having custody of them does not diminish their rights to be taken care of financially. The Prophet (may Allah raise his rank and grant him peace) said:
«ألا كلكم راع، وكلكم مسئول عن رعيته … والرجل راع على أهل بيته، وهو مسئول عنهم… »
“All of you are shepherds, and all of you will be questioned about your flocks… A man is a shepherd over his family, and he will be questioned about his flock…” (Bukhaaree & Muslim)
May Allah bless him and give him success.